Singing in my Head: Living with Tinnitus

Silence is a gift. If you can sit outdoors or in a room and hear nothing, just the quiet, then feel blessed. For the past eleven years [since 2014] my ears have sung of their own accord. The singing isn’t tuneful and is really more of a scream but I have to live with it and it helps to think of it more kindly. It would be unbearable to imagine my ears were screaming at me, all day and every day. And so, my two ears are singing , even if it is mostly one note with no rhythmn.

I first noticed this in 2013/2014 and my GP referred me to the hospital. They checked out my hearing and found this to be excellent, but have no cure or explanation for the ringing. It just happens and I was left on my own to deal with it. I don’t know if I had spent my years going to concerts of gentle classical music instead of loud rock music I would have been spared, or if Tinnitus was always waiting in the wings until I was in my early 50s to spoil my silences.

I miss the silence. There is never silence with tinnitus. The singing never takes a break. Just occasionally the singing changes tone briefly and becomes higher pitched. It was always louder in the evening than the morning but recently it has annoyingly sung at full volume all day.

Most distressing is when I am in the countryside. I love the sounds of nature, the sound of water, the bird song and the breeze rippling through the leaves. I can still hear all those things with my almost perfect hearing but they are accompanied by the tuneless singing.

The radio and music distracts me from the singing during the day. If I’m reading I am usually lost in the story and the singing doesn’t disturb me. At other times, I try and concentrate on writing or cooking and the tuneless tune is all I can hear. At night I stop my brain from listening to the singing by leaving the World Service on, and this usually sends me to sleep.

I have had to learn to live with the singing as there is nothing to make it go away. Tinitus UK and their Facebook group provide support and carry out research and I am grateful for this. Being part of the tinnitus community I can see that other people have to deal with worse than I do and I do not feel so isolated.

Tinnitus is tough to live with but I have reasons to be grateful. It isn’t life threatening. Now I have strategies in place to sidetrack my brain from the terrible singing I can live my life. Yes, there are times when I am only human and scream, ‘Go away!’ in frustration but meet me and you wouldn’t know what was happening between my ears. I have no idea if the singing will be with me on my death bed or if it will progress to something worse [please no!] In my dreams it will disappear as suddenly as it came.